I remember feeling like up until then, before the pot brownie, I had been controlling my body from far away, like a video game character. Everything felt strange and foreign, like something major had shifted. Like my body was this big hard shell and I was a tiny spirit wandering around inside. Feeling like I was trapped in my body.Hopefully you'll be able to relate to some of them and know that you're not going crazy and you're not alone. My main symptoms: During my 3 years of depersonalization/derealization, these are some of the feelings that tormented me most. I had no idea that this horrible feeling of disconnection would continue for the next 3 years, soon to be some of the worst years of my life. I tried to stay positive and convince myself that I'd feel normal in just a few hours, that I was still just a bit high. I tried to stay calm, I tried to relax and remember that it was only pot, it couldn't have caused any brain damage. I felt like Dorothy when she first stepped out into OZ, but it was nightmarish. My legs were moving but they felt disconnected from my body. I felt like I was walking on a cloud, but in the worst way possible.
Everything was crystal clear, colors were frighteningly bright, bushes and trees seemed to lunge out at me like a 3D movie. I went for a walk outside and I couldn't believe my eyes. The next morning, the world around me had completely changed. I begged her to take me to the emergency room, but being the chill hippie mom she is, she explained that I was just having a bad trip/anxiety attack and needed to go home and sleep it off. I called my mom to pick me up, absolutely sobbing. Felt like I was on acid, even though I have no idea what acid feels like.
#DEPERSONALIZATION FROM WEED FULL#
It kicked in after about an hour and I went into full panic mode. Needless to say, I was about to have a very terrible time. To make matters worse, I decided that for my first experience I'd try an edible instead of smoking. My friend group at the time was very into smoking though so it felt like something I should do too (total peer pressure lol). Not sure why, I was not very interested in drugs and I had never even drank. When I was a sophomore in high school (15 years old) I for some reason got the idea that I wanted to try smoking pot. I've had anxiety/ocd since I was very young, but I was never really bothered by it, it just felt like a part of who I was.
How it started: First of all, hi, I'm a 20 year old girl from California, if that matters. Depersonalization has gone from being on my mind 24/7, to an experience I hardly even remember or think about. But somehow, by the grace of God, I made it to the light at the end of the tunnel. But I did it! I NEVER thought I would get through it, and had almost come to accept that the rest of my life would be spent living in constant fear, constantly terrorized by horrible intrusive thoughts, constantly wondering if anything around me was real. A couple years ago, when I was suffering through the worst part of my battle with depersonalization/derealization, this would have been a very different and much more depressing post. Hello my fellow anxiety ridden brothers and sisters! This is my first time posting here, or on any forum, but I am so glad that I am here with happy news.
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